50 Ways To Say Goodbye
by We Are December
Summary: Luke just recently broke up with his girlfriend, Lorraine. Everything's perfect and all but the one thing he absolutely refuses to do is telling his friends about it. Who would want to tell their friends about their breakups anyway, if their friends bet on how long the relationship lasts? Find out what Luke does to avoid telling them the truth.


So, I heard Train's latest song the other day and got this idea stuck in my head. It wouldn't leave me alone! And so, I got started on writing it. Some characters may be ooc but I'm praying that you won't mind that little bit. Hope this satisfies you readers! Enjoy.

**This was collaborated between BigBenMitchell and I. **

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to their rightful owner(s).**

"We have to talk", she said. Of course. I knew this was coming. "I don't think we can do this anymore… It's not me, it's you. You don't…" and of course, she went on and on and on. I'm actually kinda glad that this is happening because truth be told, she's the worse girlfriend a guy could ever ask for. She may be beautiful, smart, rational and all but she's _still _a bad girlfriend. So I totally support her _rational_ decision _this _time (because I'm not rational she always used to say. So, I decided to live up to the name given. It was fun going against all of her decisions. Totally worth all the slaps to the face, I'll tell you that).

Only thing is, my friends _love_ teasing me about my sex life. Some of them had actually bet on how long our relationship would last (funny because I have never introduced my friends to one another and yet they still came up with the same bet when I told them I was dating Lorraine). They'd bet on a month. We _totally_ only lasted for two_ weeks_. And since they already dub me 'coward' (many occasions led to being called that), I'm going to be like one because I have never _ever_ felt the need to protect my pride and dignity more than I'm feeling right now. I'm going to do the unthinkable. I'm going to_ lie_ to them.

* * *

It was a week after we broke up before people started asking me where Lorraine was. The first to ask me was Annabeth. She caught me off-guard with the question but I was thankfully prepared. I told her that Lorraine passed away in an induced coma. That her decision to ride the bull at the rodeo show (yes, lame, I know, but it was _original)_ was what got her in the state of a needed induced coma. It was silent for a minute –and seriously, it was the scariest moment in my life because I thought she caught the lie- before she hugged me- bear-hugged me and cried her whole eyes out. I kinda felt bad for lying to her after that but, whatever, right?

Next was Grover.

I know I used a lame lie on Annabeth but the lie I used on Grover was lame-er… Guess what? There's a good news and a bad news… Good news is that he totally bought the "She committed suicide. She jumped of the cliff because of all the expectations and pressures she got from being the eldest child in the family" lie (the lie was combined with a few drops of fake tears but what he doesn't know won't kill him). The bad news… well, let's just say that him believing the lie just confirmed him as the epitome of the word 'idiot'. Sigh… Grover, buddy, whatever other people say, just know that you're still my one and only idiotic best friend.

Then came Clarisse. Growing up with her, I understood that to get what you want, you've got to fight hard for it… and believe me, I've fought hard- more like wrestled the monster called Clarisse all my life just to _eat_. The girl practically lives just to steal my food but I can't complain. Thanks to her, I'm the most sought out guy (next to David Beckham, of course). So the lie, it was kind of like, retribution… And man, what a retribution it was! Her jaw literally fell to the floor (though all credits go to her brother, Stuart, for tackling her to the floor right that moment) when I told her that Lorraine got eaten by a lion when she was in Africa. The look on her face was of great confusion and totally priceless and, as a general rule, when you've got blackmail material, you don't let it go to waste… So I took out my phone and secretly snapped a shot of her epic face expression. Needless to say, what I thought was a discrete action wasn't all _that_ discrete because the next thing I knew, I was on the ground and she –with all her glorious weight- was on me and we were wrestling to my death because of one single, measly snapshot. She is such a kid. Anyway, that distracted her from the obvious lie and it didn't register her mind at all until a few days after that… but it was too late then.

Percy came in next. Unlike the others, he was really observant of me (because he's just so much like me… if the other was out of character, the other would instantly know. Heck, I'm pretty sure he would've done the same given the circumstances…) so it was really hard to get by him… And he was really skeptical when I told him that Lorraine died falling down a flight of stairs in her high-heels. Seriously, he was the hardest to convince but with my persistence, he finally -reluctantly- believed me. Know that in that moment, I did not do a victory dance in front of him… but I _did_ do a -dare I say it- pretty awesome victory dance in my room that night.

There was Thalia after that and boy was she emotional about it… Guess it was her time of the month… Sigh, _girls_. But really, I think the one I told her was the most believable lie _ever. _I mean, it was genius! I told her that "We were at the pool one fine day and Lorraine was acting really weird about us going to the pool. She was very anxious and nervous. So I asked her if she was okay and she told me she was but she was still acting suspiciously weird. I, wanting to respect her privacy like the gentleman I am, let it go. Then we had some drinks and she got too close to the pool… She fell into the pool and the last thing I heard from her was her screaming… I mean, the doctors did everything they could… but in the end, we still lost her… And besides, it's not my fault that she didn't tell me that she couldn't swim… I'm not a mind reader or anywhere near that." bit. By the end of that, she looked like she needed a hug (which I _didn't _offer because, admittedly, the last thing I needed was girl drama).

And of course, what would I do without my parents always poking their noses in my business? It started when mom asked why Lorraine wasn't coming over anymore. I got into story mode as soon as I could. I went back to the classics and told them that Lorraine died because of some cancer (I think I told them that it was leukemia). Mom almost believed it but dad had other ideas. The twinkle in his eyes and the way his lips twitched told me everything. He knew. Being the annoying, dramatic prick that he was though, he just had to ask me when she died. As soon as the words "Last week" left my mouth, he shouted in glee. His face expression was one that told me that I should be afraid of what was to going to happen. He started explaining to mom how he just saw Lorraine on the road a few hours ago. And just like that, they found out about what really happened and, in the matter of only seconds, my pride and dignity (at least in the family) was ruined as I endured their teasing and laughter. Sometimes, I feel like they especially love the times where they can remind me of how much of jackasses they could be. _Sigh_… Oh, well.

* * *

Sigh. This party _sucks_. Why the hell did I have to come here anyway? Oh wait, yeah, cousin's birthday… _still_. The only good thing to this was that I could invite anyone to come along with and, being the genius I am, thought 'Why not take this chance to finally introduce all of them to each other?' and went ahead and invited my friends (the G-man, Annabeth, Thalia, Clarisse and Percy, _duh_).Now they're all mingling with each other and no longer noticing my presence. Some friends they are.

Anyway, back to my cousin Andrew. He's twenty-one today and, from the rumors circulating the family, he's _finally_ scored a chick. Worst part of it? He's bragging about it. Yes, he's bragging like a _seven_ year old. Why am I related to this guy? _God_. Oh yeah, he just went to call his girlfriend to introduce her to us. Says she's the most amazing thing that could ever happen to him. That's kinda piqued my curiosity. Makes me wonder if she truly is as great as he's said.

Oh, here he comes. And wait, is that- Is that who I think it is with him? No, it _can't_ be… because then the Fates really are screwing with me. Holy shit, it is her! Dammit! Now, before I forget to mention, I kind of introduced Lorraine to them (yes, my friends… And in that sense, I finally see why Lorraine questioned my rationality). I know, I know, 'Why didn't you introduce your friends to each other before, Luke? Why did you have to introduce your girlfriend to your friends instead?' Gah, now I really wish I could turn back time.

"Hey guys, this is my amazing girlfriend Lorraine", Andrew says to us, introducing girlfriend. Lorraine looks pleasantly surprised. Well, I can't say I feel the same.

Hmm, if I _could_ turn back time and prevented all of this from happening, then maybe Thalia wouldn't be giving me that scary look she's giving me right now… maybe. _Oh_, wait, Clarisse and Annabeth are giving me that same look too. I guess that's my cue to run away.

"Where do you think _you're _going, Luke?"

I'm pretty sure that was Annabeth; screeching. And I'm pretty sure I can hear three sets of feet coming after me.

'God, I'm _fucked_'. And that's the last thing I could remember thinking of before I'm jumped by one of them.


End file.
